Ravolox

Didn't look at the date on which my last entry was written. But a lot of things changed since then.

First of all: new school. After taking my final exams, I didn't want to spend the time after summer working. So I was lucky enough to find a form of one of the schools in town before the time was up. When I got to know the result, I didn't want to believe what I read: I was the only girl in the class on the list among about 40 boys. Yes, it's shocking, I know, but in reality, there are only 30 boys and I can understand why: not every girl want to be an IT admin. But I do. So here I am: studying with the best class I've ever had.

Secondly: new friends. I get on very well with the lads who I learn with but one of them stands closer to me than any of my friends. We're very similar but still have differences. He's always sitting next to me and we're quite lonely without each other. So the loneliness I've always felt goes away when we're together. It's a bit soon, knowing that we know each other for only three months, but we both want more than friendship. Maybe we'll get there eventually but only time will tell how it works out.

Finally: winter break. We have a couple of days before we can say goodbye for two weeks before Christmas and New Year's Eve come but me and the boy I said a few words earlier don't think we'll meet that much (I don't think, maybe he does, I don't know. It would be the best to ask him). However, we're planning on spending the last day of 2015 together. Maybe it will happen, maybe it won't. But I hope for the best.

I don't really know how to start writing so I just start in the middle.
My last school year started as I mentioned last time and I have a lot of things to do. Things to pay for and learn a lot. I hate History and Biology but I can't fail this year but it won't be easy 'cause I'm not interested in them and nothing stays in my mind. But those aren't my biggest problems. I don't know how will I pay for the things I need. Dress for the prom and other thing 'til their deadline, probably in these last days of September or in early October.
And about the prom. We started to learn how to dance on Wednesday. I have to wake up earlier than I do on other weekdays 'cause it starts sooner. And I need (or needed) a partner. I asked a boy before summer and he reassured me that he'll be there. But he broke his elbow, at least he said he did. So, now I don't have a partner or at least I don't know how he looks like. 'Cause one of my classmate's partner knows a boy but I only know his first name. So, I'll meet him next Wednesday only if he'll be there. And I'll thank this to my classmate when we are past the prom and everything was fine. 'Cause I need a partner who's always on time and can attend every dance lesson 'til January.
I wanted to ask the boy I talked about last time but he's probably working a lot and I think he wouldn't be available. Because I think he has a girlfriend. We talked about ending our "relationship" before I went to visit my grandmother for two weeks. But on the day before I went, we met for one last time. We met once since but not that way as we did in July. So, I think it's over. I don't smile 'cause it's over, I smile 'cause it happened. It wasn't a year, only about 9 or 10 months. To be honest, I wanted him. I still do. But I won't cry for him. I'm strong enough to move on. And it is exactly what I'll do.
One last topic before I finish. My uncle recommended a chat website a long time ago and about in the middle of August I got a message. An English message among all the Hungarians. We talked every day 'til school started. We aren't too different from each other. He called me once and we're sending pictures. I trust him not to share anyone else the things I send him and I hope he trust me not to do the same. We agreed on meeting when he moves closer to me 'cause he's just out of reach. He lives on the other side of my country's border but not exactly next to it. He's planning to move here but I don't think that happens anytime soon. But if he does move, we'll meet. I promised him and I always keep my promises. I hope we'll get to it. Only time will tell and everything changes.

I wrote my last journal more than one year ago and nothing really changed since then. My life is the same every day but I found someone who's closer to me. We met in November 2013 but I don't really talk about it. My friends and my closest relatives know some things but not the whole of it. I'm a shy girl and I don't really like to show my feelings to others. I try to smile when something hurts me and this would be it, really.
School will finish for me 3 days from now and I'm done with my exams for this year. But I can't rest so much 'cause I'm trying to find a job for the summer but I started the procedure to have a proper one for me. I hope I'll make it work.
Next year will be my last in my current school and I'm a little scared (like I am about having a job but I know I have to do it because sooner or later, my things to do will catch up with me). It won't be so long to say goodbye to my friends and maybe going to uni or have a real job after my last year ends. But it's my future and it's better if I concentrate my summer and my school trip with the half of my class, what was fun last year. It can always make me smile when I think about it.
Another thing happened to me in the year I didn't write a word. I fell in love with a TV show what changed how I see the world. Every decision I make makes me think about the possibilities and it also taught me to accept everyone, no matter, how different they are and everything bad whatever happens in our daily lifes. It made me stronger and more curious about the world and the universe. But sometimes it isn't a good thing. I don't want to give a speech about this 'cause I think what I wrote is totally enough for now.
I'm writing this journal at home where I don't really have to hurry and I can be myself but I have some feelings I still don't show. It isn't their thing to know about what I have in my mind but I think it's enough from me for now.

I really have a lot of things to talk about in my life. School, friends, family... I'm writing this smilingly 'til I have time before I catch my bus. My life isn't so simple and easy this times. Matura exams, language exams, searching for a suitable summer job... Lots of thing to worry and think about. I mostly feel that my life's a 24/7 work to serve everybody. I'm doing what I have to and I can't do anything with my problems 'cause I don't have anyone to share them with. I know I have my parents and friends but I have things I'm hiding from everyone.
The real me...